Brandyn Blaze

Life Between The Scenes

Month: February 2016

15 Minutes

The other morning I found myself thinking about time. Everyday, I tell myself there’s not enough time. Not enough time to read, not enough time to write, not enough time to think.

Not enough time to create the life I truly want to live.

Not enough time to be happy.

It was one of those surreal moments where time seemed to stretch out endlessly before me, yet also seemed to be passing by more quickly than I could register. I began to wonder how much time I really do have, how much goes to waste as I sit around complaining about there’s only 24 hours in a day.

So, I challenged myself to get something written before I went to work.

The paragraphs that follow are copied verbatim from that exercise. It’s amazing what you can accomplish in just 15 minutes.

timer 15 minutes, not enough time

15 minutes.

That’s all I the time I have before I must hop in my car and drive myself to a job I feel is slowly killing me.

It’s not the job itself, it’s what the job represents. I have failed, my ship has sailed, and I missed the damn boat.

10 minutes left.

It’s not enough time for anything. This is what I tell myself each morning as I sit on my couch, dreading the day that stretches out before me.

But look here, I’ve managed to put several words down in the last 7 minutes. How did I run down the clock?

I awoke at 4:45.

I spent 5 minutes trying not to drift off to sleep again. 10 minutes to get dressed, brush my teeth and hair, put on deodorant, and take my meds.

At 5 o’clock I opened a Mountain Dew. Caffeine is my savior, too bad I hate coffee.

For 30 minutes I sat on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook before I started my car to avoid freezing to death on my 4 minute drive.

I came inside and picked up my pen.

5 minutes left.

What if I had used those 30 minutes as productively as I’ve used the last 10? What if I never wasted a moment?

What if I just did what needs to be done without all the fuss?

Maybe I wouldn’t feel so stuck. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so let down, so pressured, so stressed.

Maybe I wouldn’t watch the clock, or helplessly cry, “There’s not enough time!”

Maybe I’d get to the place where I don’t need this job.

1 minute left.

I will not look to this day with dread.

I will make the most of my time. I will live and love and work and play and smile.

Time to go.

A new life starts now.

What Is Balance Anyway?

For those of you who have been keeping up with this blog, you may have noticed that it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything new. The funny thing is, I have a list a mile long of posts to write and quite a few drafts started. I just haven’t had the time.

As I opened up my computer today, I found myself staring at the posts I had started and none of them seemed appealing. Since I’ve been blogging over on my other site for a little over two years now, I know that this is nothing unusual. Sometimes, the muse just goes mute for a moment on a particular subject and it’s best just to move on and come back to it when she starts talking again.

looking for balance, muse not talking to me, taking things easy

She’s clearly not in the mood to provide inspiration right now.

Lately, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about balance and what it means to me. With a “real” job, a family, a quickly approaching wedding date, two blogs, and my forthcoming book series, to say I have a lot of balls in the air is an understatement. Some days, I think I’m going to cave under the pressure. Other times, I find myself amazed that I’m somehow staying more or less on top of it all.

For me, the key is knowing that while I can have it all, I can’t have it all at once.

Some days, I’m going to focus more on planning the wedding and “neglect” my writing. Other days, I’m so focused on editing my novel that I don’t get anything else accomplished. One day I may do nothing but thoroughly clean my house. Another day I may devote completely to my daughter. Some days I’m all over this blogging business, the next I don’t even bother with a quick Facebook message.

What I’ve found is that it all works itself out.

finding balance, zen, all you can do is all you can do, relax

For a long time I tried to force myself to do a little of everything each day in an effort to find that “balance”. For me, all that did was add to the stress levels. Inevitably, there would be something that didn’t get accomplished that day and I would worry about how to catch it up the next day when I already had so much to do. It was a constant battle that I’ve fought with many different schedules and routines over the years. In the end, none of them really worked for me and many actually created less balance.

So for now, I’m taking it easy. I’m listening to my body, and more importantly, to my soul. If I feel like I need to rest, I’m going to rest. If I feel like I need to run 2 miles, I’m going to run two miles (and find myself wheezing and puffing on my inhaler, because I’m not a runner). If I can write, I’m going to write. I’m not going to put so much pressure on myself, especially where the blog is concerned.

I’m striving to be more connected with my inner self and what it needs to flourish so that I can finally find that true balance. By being more present and purposeful, I know I can grow that inner peace, that inner strength, that it takes to be truly fulfilled.

 

 

 

 

 

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